Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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