I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
