tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
