So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They took my balls.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
