when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
did you just send me my own nude
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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