I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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