i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
