I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you made out with another girl for some wings
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
