so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You've changed since you got that strap on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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