O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
