He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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