i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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