I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
