I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
