The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
