seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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