Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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