so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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