when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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