and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
