I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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