you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
