So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
