I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
