i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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