Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
