Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
