i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
