Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
