everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
