haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still dying that you shit outside
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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