well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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