if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
