"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
