She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
