also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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