dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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