shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
