I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
