I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
