u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
