It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
