It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will pee on everything he values.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
