I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
