I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
