paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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