Screwed.edu
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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