She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
