If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sext me about skeletons
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My feet surprised me
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