We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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