i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
