yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
