I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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